


Genji Why

by StolenVampires



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: But still a sassy shit in game, Genji is like 35, Humor, My aesthetic is tormented Hanzo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-21 22:00:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7406728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StolenVampires/pseuds/StolenVampires
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Genji plans to get his brother a birthday gift. Maybe. Sort of. At some point McCree is gonna be jumping out of a cake half naked I mean lets be honest here folks thats all you gotta know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A gift that keeps on giving

Hana looked at Genji like one would look at a sibling who's internet browser history you just uncovered. Scorn and mild approval. Hana was no stranger to the 'internet underground'. Heck she had fans who regularly requested 'noods' and to stream missions. Secret missions. Also nude. Yet that was all secondary to what Genji had come and asked her about.  
No. The younger of the two Shimada brothers had come to request her help in getting Hanzo a gift for his birthday. One that would be both embarrassing and endearing. Hana was at a loss because of several reasons.  
One: She knew practically nothing about Hanzo  
Two: She did not want to end up on Hanzo's shit list  
Three: All she could think was that Genji should have just asked McCree about this so McCree could take the blame for whatever happened.   
Four: What Genji was asking for was not endearing at all and she was wondering if he knew the meaning of the English he was using.

"He's not my brother." She told Genji, ignoring the sudden swarm of voices on her livestream feed begging her to have Genji show off his ninja skills for them.  
"But, you are the one who knows those websites." He countered.  
Hana stared at Genji, who's face was unreadable as ever under his visor.  
"Which websites."  
It was noticeable in his voice, the jerk. "The ones where they sell various 'fan merch' as you have called it." Genji leaned to the side waving at the camera which elicited a cry from god knew how many fans.  
"...What kind of fan merch?" Hana was sweating bullets. Did he know about it? Wait shit he was a ninja he probably did.  
"I am not talking about the ones that are a mouse pad with my ass on them." OH GOD HE KNEW ABOUT THOSE. Maybe he didn't know she almost ordered one. Thank god she didn't. He'd know. Damn ninja. Damn her fans for giving her bad ideas when she was sleep deprived from gaming sessions.  
"More like those Dakimakura. Harmless and inoffensive." Did Genji actually know his brother? Had Genji even seen his brother in one of his fits over something lewd, (which was mostly at McCree)?  
"..." Hana was at a loss. Genji was asking her to die.   
"... Of who though?" Hana couldn't help herself. Curiosity won the day and despite his age, Genji was fairly more lax and prone to mischievousness than other Overwatch members.   
"You have your fans yes? I am certain they will say who the obvious choice is, and which artwork to use." Genji stood up, seeming to have won her over to the task.  
He tapped his visor and Hana could feel his smirk.  
"Nothing showing but very nearly and very blessed are my only suggestions." He started to walk away and Hana just kept staring, think to how badly this would go.

"Only if you promise to be my streaming partner for all of next week." Hana wasn't about to do this for free. No. If she would take the fall for this, she'd get her money's worth so to speak. Plus therapy because she suspected she'd want to burn her eyes out at what her fans would suggest and share with her.   
"Huh?" Genji actually sounded confused.  
"Yeah, one week were you have to do games with me. And do fan challenges." She was smiling and hoping Genji knew exactly what it would mean to accept the terms.

Green light dimmed for a moment before he gave a nod. "Of course. Fair is fair."  
Hana could hear distinctly female screams over her streaming feed. 

Genji Shimada was an idiot.


	2. Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2

Lúcio was harder to convince that his request was sane. Genji had thought about music but he was woefully unaware of any up and coming artists and music that wasn't well. He knew anime theme songs from his youths but traveling the world then living in an omnic monastery didn't exactly give one a grand insight to the current hip and trending jams and beats.  
Getting Lúcio to agree was like pulling teeth. The younger man was more suspicious than Hana, and also knew his net worth, not to mention that this was Hanzo they were talking about. Hanzo who had pointedly asked Lúcio to not write a song about him. Or The Shimada clan. Or anything even remotely related to him. Which had grated on Lúcio given the man's take that art imitated life and vice versa. He took inspiration from what was around him and Hanzo was a member of the team, or 'The Fam' as he occasionally said. 

"So let me break this down. You want me, to find a song that you know will upset you brother?" Lúcio cast a dubious look at Genji, lips pursed as he tried to read the voice behind the visor.  
"Yes. You will be compensated. I wish only to rile him a bit. He will be upset, but calm when he understands why later on. He is-"  
"He reacts faster than Hana on an FPS. I mean, I get you. Brother thing right. But look Genji, my man." Lúcio put his hands together as if in prayer. The fact was that Lúcio could do a lot of things. But this was cruel. Cruel yet twistedly funny. Narrowing his eyes at Genji, he spun in his chair before he opened what looked like an overly elaborate music mixing program. 

"So." Lúcio took a deep breath and let it out slowly, cracking his neck briefly.   
"You want poppin and something about doing the nasty?" Genji nodded his head, as if they were discussing the weather.   
"And this is for his brithday?"   
   
"Yes. A harmless prank." Lúcio shook his head as he began to scroll through a list of tracks.  
"Man, you twisted. But I got you, I got you. You know you gonna owe for this right?"  
"As I said before you will be com-"  
"Oh no, I mean you OWE me for this. Don't go tellin Hanzo I helped. When this goes up I wanna watch the fireworks, not get burned." Genji's chuckle was ominous Lúcio realized as the cyborg stood and made his way to the exit.

"I am ready to repay my debts. This is just about fulfilling a promise."  
The musician shuddered. Sometimes, he forgot that Genji was once part of a crime family. Other times? The guy fit in all too well to that whole persona.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think that Genji is the biggest dweeb and yet also the most underestimated member and so half the overwatch team just forgets that he was raised to murder people on the regular.
> 
> Ryuuji no kaiokand get yourself fucked up


	3. No Mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genji is why the Overwatch team can't have nice things

"Absolutely not."  
"Angela I don't understand why-"  
"You know perfectly well why not Genji. Plus he has a high enough blood pressure. Why would you think I would grant anything that would increase it? No."  
"Angela-"  
"No means no Genji or must we have a discussion on what the word means and how you should respect women better?"  
"I was young-"  
"You asked me to DIRECTLY demonstrate how your body would react to sexual stimuli not even a week after the procedure and then got fussy when I said to read the provided documents." The silence was thick in the air as Genji sat on the examination table while Dr. Zeigler looked him over, checking various organic parts of him and other cybernetic parts in conjunction.  
He had removed his faceplate as it was required for his check-up, and it was an annoyance; if only because Angela knew how to read his face too well and would not react to his pouting in her office.

"It was crude of me and that was many years ago."  
"You asked me two months ago if there was a way to 'enhance' yourself Genji. You might not be a young man anymore, but you're as male as they come and you have only a select few things on your mind."  
At this point, the younger Shimada was bright red and steam came from his body in a sudden burst, causing Angela to make a small startled sound in the back of her throat.  
"I am not a child." He was prideful if he wanted to admit it or not, and it was at times like this that the good doctor perhaps saw the closest ties between the two brothers.

Pride and embarrassment were not emotions either of them dealt with very well.

"No, but you are male. And let me guess that steam was not meant to happen just as I got close?" She jabbed a finger into his exposed side, causing Genji to double over in reaction. Sensitivity checked out at least.  
"You were embarrassing me." He was trying, she mused. Trying very hard to be mature, yet-  
"Or you were thinking of things you shouldn't be. I've been your doctor for many years now Genji. Your erection is something I've come to expect per visit. Well, yours and a few others."  
That got Genji's attention and he let out a string of what she assumed were curses in Japanese.

"I do not understand why you will not aid me in this. Hanzo deserves-"  
"A healthy blood pressure and a decreased stress level. What you are asking is-" She shook her head, working on finishing up the evaluation. Genji was fairly easy to handle after all these years, and she was happy for him in how he'd grown. But, he was still very much the Genji she knew.

"He will not ask for it. He would be too ashamed."  
"And so you ask for him? Out of the goodness of your heart? No. I know you Shimada-san." She snapped, and looked him directly in his uncovered eyes.

"No Viagra. No performance enhancers. Whatever joke or prank you plan will be on your own. I will not be party to this." Her words held fast, and Genji slumped slightly, his posture saying what he would not. He'd not fight her on this. She'd won this battle.

"But you will not tell him?" He asked as she finished reattaching the armor and signing off on his paperwork.  
She didn't answer him for a while before she handed him his evaluation sheet copy.  
"I am bound to strict patient-doctor confidentiality rules Genji. That said, I would not ask outside of this room because at that point, I would act within the best interest of Overwatch." She gave him a careful eye.  
"I do not want a dead agent or a very beaten up agent to be arriving in my medical bay due to a so called harmless prank." She smiled and Genji could feel the threat that lingered under the surface.

"Good day Genji."  
He bowed, not saying a word as he left, just thankful she'd not lectured him more. Angela was as frightening as he remembered. Maybe more so now that she could tell Hanzo of just what Genji spent his free time doing even as an Overwatch agent. Or rather who. 

Hanamura didn't seem as bad by comparison retrospectively.


	4. Moves like Jagger

"All I am asking is for a small fav-"  
"No." Satya wasn't even looking upwards at Genji when he was talking. She was busy with what he could only assume was some hard light construct that would probably help the team. Maybe. Probably. She wasn't exactly the easiest woman to read and she was most certainly not one the most clean of histories.  
Though he personally suspected she was more or less a worker bee who just did as she was told for that part of her life.  
"It should be a challenge for you. A way to test your skill and-"  
"Oh it would be of no challenge at all." She finally looked up, the faintest hint of a smile in the corners of her eyes.   
"But making mood lighting that would mimic water, also while projecting scales and give the smooth texture of them to a moving person with the sole intent to incite your brother to a fit of rage is not productive nor conductive to a team bonding experience as you have aptly put it. It would only deepen the divide and cause chaos."   
Ah yes, dreaded chaos and disorder. Satya's most hated foes. 

She really would get along well with Hanzo. If they you know, ever said more than 'good morning' to each other.  
She kept looking at him and Genji wondered how he could convince her that this was totally, a worthy cause.  
"My brother must learn to overcome his self inflicted exile from our gatherings. This would help break him free and make him express himself."  
She gave him an incredulous look. "With violence?"  
"Have you seen him express anything but distain, anger, drunken ramblings, or the occasional brooding alone when he thinks no one is around?"  
Again, she looked at him.   
"And pray tell, why would my device need to give Jesse McCree the appearance of a dragon and overlay the texture of scales upon his person."  
Genji was smiling behind his visor, and it leaked into his tone with joy.  
"To help him seduce my brother of course."

That certainly had Satya's attention, her eyes widening for a moment then narrowing as she looked back down at her previous work.  
Genji was onto something now. He could sense it.  
Plus?

Satya was blushing.

He narrowed the space between them, a cool metal hand running down her shoulder to her forearm as her fingers worked at the hard light.   
"Genji I am-" Her voice cut off as he brought his face close enough so that she could see his eyes past his visor.

Cyborg he might be, but he was still a man, and he was still very much aware how to get under the skin of certain women.  
"I am asking for something childish perhaps, but I want my brother to not be so reclusive. For others to see and know him as I do. A blend, a harmony-" his voice purred the word between them, smoothing octaves lower with his augmented vocal chords.  
"-and so I wish to meld the skills of the team to create something for him. He knows I am as I am, but he knows not the skills of others. How we could work in unison." His hand went lower, fingers hovering over her own. Satya was looking at him now, lips parted slightly and fingers still, work forgotten.  
"Harmony in chaos. Creating a bit of light in a world where all he sees is darkness. Is that not what you strive to do?" Genji looked her dead in the eyes.   
He was smoldering at her, with a look that had once made him rather infamous for all the wrong reasons.  
"It is-" He lifted her hand in his from the hard light construct, letting fall and break harmlessly onto the floor. "-truly something only you might perfect." A touch of steam from his body gave the final effect, and Satya's blush had spread over her face and Genji did not miss how she licked her lips.

A small burst of pride welled in Genji. He still had it.

"Perhaps... I might attempt such a device." She looked away, bringing her hand from his and to her body as if she might hug herself.   
"It would need to be small and on McCree's person. And- I will admit, I did not think that he felt that way of Hanzo."  
Genji laughed softly as he stood, keeping the space between them narrow.  
"He is not as secretive as he thinks he is. But, thank you. I look forward to seeing what you create." He leaned in just a hair's breath away, another small puff of steam escaping his body.  
"I am sure it will be-" He pulled back, letting the air get heavy between them, "-magnificent."

Satya blinked, then looked back at her work while mumbling how all her works were perfect and it would be no exception.

Genji left her to it, a smile on his face for both the fact he'd gotten another key to his plan.  
And the fact he could still woo the ladies.


	5. Cheeky

She was the perfect one to help him decorate and give the signal for Operation Han Solo to begin. Lena was fast and if she was being clever, discrete when needed. Plus she could be just as cheeky as others when she wanted to be.

And she was when he told her of his plans.  
"Oh I like it." She was leaning over the kitchen table at him, the breastplate of chronal accelerator clanking against the smooth surface of the table.  
Genji had forgotten however, that Lena was cheeky in the same way he was gentlemanly. Not always for the best.  
"Put Jesse in some glittery assless chaps, stuff him in a cake, have him look like a dragon and Hanzo'll be sure to swoon at the sight of 'em! Brilliant love!" He could hear her pure laughter in the lit of her voice and didn't need to see her face to know what she thought of his plan.

"To be fair, I was planning on letting Jesse pick what he'd like to wear, but I will take that into consideration." Lena stared at him, not sure if he was being serious or not.  
He was.  
"Oh gosh you really ARE planning this whole mess for him. What in blazes you think you're gonna prove? He'll flay us all alive!" Lena was backing off and looking mild distressed. Apparently, she hadn't quite recovered from the scolding Hanzo had given her not all that long ago.

"Hanzo must learn to accept that we are not what he expects. We are not the uptight clan he grew up with. We are very different, and him acting as if we might harm him is ridiculous."  
"So you're going to out ridiculous him." Lena shook her head, Genji was more than aware then that Lena might not be on board with him. A miscalculation.  
"On his birthday." She sucked in a breath.

Genji nodded, flicking to a picture of a very modestly decorated living room done in a tasteful blue and gold style with a few decorations and balloons. Modest. The perfect set up for utter humiliation and surprise.

"Of course." He replied, showing her the picture.  
"We would have just an hour to decorate and you are the quickest in overwatch aside from myself. Please." He was begging her. He could do without in a pinch but-

L:ena laughed, relenting finally. Genji smiled behind his visor. The woman really couldn't resist a good prank.  
"Alright love. You've got your cavalry." She zipped past him to the door, looking out then zipping back.  
"But not a word to Hanzo yeah? He can actually hit me with those arrows. Got me once on me-"  
"He was actually fairly embarrassed when it happened. His exact words were if I recall.." He coughed doing his best Hanzo impression.  
"'I did not expect her to trip. Nor that her uniform would tear the way it did. I exposed a woman without her consent. I have never felt more shame in my life.'"  
Lena laughed even louder.  
"I asked if he meant that he liked exposing women with their consent, or that he had been caught staring afterwards. His face went beet red and I can assure you, he is much more mindful of his arrows now."  
"Aw, I was more shock 'n flattered really. Not everyday a handsome man ogles your knickers!" 

There was a small clattered from the entry and as they looked over, Hanzo was in the doorway, face red, and no sooner had he been spotted, he had turned and ran down the halls.

Lena and Genji sat in silence for a moment while they heard a door slam. Hanzo was gone.  
"Well." She said.  
"Think he heard our plan."  
"No," Genji chuckled, "Just about you calling him handsome likely."  
"Aw, he really is awful shy innit he? No wonder you're tryin so hard to help Jesse and 'im out."

Genji didn't have the heart to tell her that this was more about revenge than helping his friend bang his brother.  
Though later, he did take extra time to keep himself hidden, knowing full well that while Hanzo might not take his embarrassment out on Lena, Genji was fair game.

It was after all, always Genji's fault when it came to matters of women and 'romance'.

**Author's Note:**

> SHIT SON THIS FUCKIN THINGS GONNA HAVE CHAPTERS  
> Also no beta cuz im lazy af still


End file.
